Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen

Success Coach - Doc Love

Hey Doc,

I stumbled on your site and column by accident a long time ago and I’ve been hooked ever since. You’re stuff is great!

Doc, I have a major issue. I got into a relationship with a beautiful young lady, Shannon, a year ago. It was all wonderful until the end, which is usually the case. One night we really went at each other, got into a huge argument over some really stupid stuff and broke up. I thought it was best if I let things cool off and then see where she was at because I didn’t want to throw away one whole year of a good relationship just like that.

I was hurting. After about a week or so I tried calling her but she wouldn’t pick up. At the advice of a friend, I stupidly wrote her a letter, pouring my heart out to her. Still nothing. Then I did what you say to do -- I got completely off Shannon’s radar. I cut off our mutual friends too.

Now word on the street is that she’s telling everyone in our former circle -- mind you, this is a lot of people -- that I was “stalking” her. This is complete bull! I understand that Shannon is hurt and trying to make herself feel better, but still, this is wrong.

I’m still laying low because I don’t want to deal with this childish drama. My dilemma is that I want to stand up for myself and tell my side of the story. Everyone thinks I went crazy and that I’m a stalker, which is the total opposite of what really went down. My reputation is valuable and now it’s ruined.

What should I do? Please help!!!

Yevgeny - who feels under attack

Hi Yevgeny,

Let me thank you very much for the compliment, and I want to tell you why you think my column is great -- and it’s not because I wrote it. It’s because the fact that you’re faithfully reading it shows that you’re open to change. And that’s a great trait in a guy. You’ll make a great student.

I know exactly what you mean about your relationship being great until the end. Like Clint Eastwood says, “It starts out good, then it goes bad, and then it just gets ugly.”

You didn’t just get into an argument with Shannon and break up. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “She set you up, paisan.” Guy, you have to look at that possibility. Think about it – after an entire year it takes only one tiny argument to make this girl want to never see you again? No, no, no. There’s something else going on here. Ever hear of low Interest Level?

Yev, there was nothing to cool off. Shannon’s already with her next guy. You’re talking about taking a break from this babe as if you have some option of going back. That option doesn’t exist. Oh, my friend, you have so much work to do.

You might not want to throw away a whole year of a supposedly great relationship, but Shannon does. And that’s the problem. This is all about what she wants, buddy. No matter what you ever read or hear from the shrinks and sociologists and Feministas, it’s always about what the woman wants.

I’m shocked that Shannon wouldn’t pick up the phone when you called her!
Gee, I thought she missed you! Let me tell you something. Spilling your guts in a letter only works in Hollywood movies, daytime serials, and on Oprah’s show. But like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “In the street, it ain’t got no credibility.”

At that desperate point of no return you finally did what I told you to do. It’s
funny how I always come last, isn’t it? You guys never call me when Interest Level dips from 95% to 85% -- you call me when Interest Level does a freefall from 95% to 35%. By then it’s too late.

But you do get a medal for taking yourself off Shannon’s radar and cutting off all your mutual friends. This is fantastic! You did it, Yev – you played hardball. Finally! Even if it took a good old-fashioned slapdown from Shannon to make you face reality.

Now think about this. You went out with a girl who was a whack-job for 12 whole months and now that you’re pulling a disappearing act she sees you behind every bush. What is it about her that you didn’t pick up earlier? You were with her all that time and you didn’t see any other red flags? Man, this girl can get you in trouble with the local police department! If she wanted, she could even inflict damage on your job. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “Remember, my son, in America the male is always really the victim.”

But you maintain that Shannon is crushed by what happened between the two of you. Yev, you’re the one who’s hurt in case you haven’t noticed. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “Don’t worry about her. She’s kissing her new dude on the back of his Harley.” Or like my Uncle Jethro Love puts it, “You’re hurtin’ and she’s got a can of Coors in her hand!”

But you’re still laying low so you don’t get involved in her hysterics. Here’s what you’ve got wrong: this isn’t childish drama at all. The real problem is that your Interest Level is 88% and hers is 35%.

Let me tell you why you shouldn’t stand up and tell your side of the story. The people who like you are not going to believe Shannon anyway. And the rest of them didn’t like you to begin with – they can’t hate you any more than they already do.

I understand why you’re frustrated over the false accusations flying around, and I believe that you’re telling the truth here. But you’re not going to react to it.

Here’s what you should do. If you have a good common friend, get him to call Shannon. After he talks to her for 10 or 15 minutes, have him roll the conversation around to you. And make sure he turns on the tape recorder. Then, after she’s blasted you and accused you of all kinds of crimes, go to the police department and have a little talk with the officers before she does.

Remember, guys: if she wants to play down and dirty, get to the cops first.

To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

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